Where do you feel good?

Where do you feel good? Before this runs down the wrong road let’s reel it back in shall we? However an opening statement like that can grab someones attention quick enough, now whether you will hold on for the rest of this is simply up to you.

Where do you feel good was something I came up with while out riding. I have been riding a short road course lately that has been my way of gauging my progress. I generally ride this short course (9.59 miles) with 1 water bottle, an emergency vanilla GU pack and a 2 year old snicker bar that is under my seat with my allen wrenches. I do not listen to music or have anything stuck in my ear to help me get my mind off of things. I want my mind on things as I ride this time trial of sorts. 9 and half miles is not a big deal at all. It’s a hilly rolling stretch of pavement that the road bikers often ride. I’m currently doing this on my Mountain bike and pushing big gears. I’m averaging 15 to 16 miles per hour over the entire loop. I’m often held at bay by a couple of traffic lights..... Traffic lights have now replaced photographers in my life. I’m no longer in the lime light, no one even knows who I am or what I have done in my career as a cyclist. Photographers used to jump in my way to get “the shot”, often causing me slow up (in the beginning) or just plowing into them with a stiff shoulder (later in my career). Nonetheless traffic lights, like photographers can ruin a good ride if you let them. I’m a numbers guys, I can plan my time trial based on my average speed alone as I pass mental check points. Todays ride was no different the “light gods” were not shining on me at all. I went out this morning knowing what I had to do to shave more time off of my best time. An average speed of over 15.5 mph was the flavor of the morning. As I looped back passing my apartment complex I was sitting at 16.1 as an average. I’m normally at about 13 to 14, so I knew I was in for a great morning. As I stood up and began my dance on my pedals, the over pass of the I-65 blurring over my head as I sprinted to 27 mph while looking back over my shoulder and merging across 2 lanes of traffic to secure my position for the intersection of Liberty and Royal oaks, the light goes yellow. I was probably 600 hundred feet from the stop bar and knew I was in for a wait,,,,a wait that I knew would chip away at my average speed and time. It must have been a monitored intersection because it was letting everyone take the left hand turns. I watched 45 seconds pass away as my bike computer was slowly having a morning snack on my average speed. I looked down and saw my average drop to 15.8, then 15.4 when I got the light and the cars started to move I saw I was now at 14.8! I had serious time to make up,,,but would it be enough? The next 4.5 miles I was clipping along at 26 mph until I hit Mack Hatcher, I rolled it back to around 21 mph and tried to spin more and get some water in me. The morning was all ready starting to heat up and get muggy. I just focused and tried to get my average back to the upper 15’s. I made my next long climb and peaked at the light of around 15.2. I’m back on track I thought as I waited for another light! By the time the light changed, I was at 14.7 and about 2 miles to go. I finished the morning at 15.2 with a time of 37:41. My best time was 37.03, the lights won this morning....

You’re wondering what the hell? Where does he feel good?,,,,How does this affect me? Did he go off the deep end. Yes! Well,,,No. The above sets the stage and mindset for me. The above are the things that my eyes do. My eyes monitor the gauges and tell the legs to push, the thumb to shift.
During the climbs or 2 mile sprints on the flats I find myself just thinking and trying to take in the sights,sounds and sometimes good odors. It occurred to me that during my preparation in the morning before I ride is when I find me. It’s the intention of what I’m doing the deliberate actions of routine and superstition. Brief note on the superstition thing. Earlier I mentioned that I carry a vanilla GU pack and a 2 year old snicker bar. Both items are fast energy in the event I “bonk”. I will not use them unless it’s an emergency. The snicker bar is probably shit by now,,,but...... It’s a snicker bar and with it has special powers to bring back the dead,,,or at least dead legs. I will not ride without it, can’t afford to need it and not have it. If I need it I will eat it regardless of its condition. Enough said.

As I gear up for my ride, I go through a transformation. Like a soldier preparing for battle, everything from my bike shorts to my helmet serves a purpose. If it doesn’t,,,it stays behind.
It’s not until I start to slip on my riding gear that I actually start to feel comfortable in my skin. Even as I carry my bike down the steps I feel somewhat exposed, maybe even vulnerable. The moment that I hear my cleats lock into my pedals,,,,, I become 1 with my bike. God damn that sounds sappy, but it’s true. For some it’s the sound of a roaring motorcycle or the power of a sports car,,,for me it’s the my Cannondale F3.

It’s now that I feel like I’m in control. All the shit that life has handed me is nothing but stuff now. My glasses shield my eyes from the sun. The also shield my eyes from the people who may catch a glimpse of me as I pass them or move around them. Either way they shield my eyes from revealing who I am when I’m not on my bike.

You see it’s when I’m on my bike that I feel like I have control of my life, my destiny and my heart for that matter. I get that road stare that focus’s my energy and intentions into forward motion. No one can get into my head when I’m riding, my eyes do not show the pain I feel nor do they let anyone else see anything that I don’t want them to see. It’s kind of like a poker face on steroids. Here is where I’m in control of what people see and know. I can choose to fight or I can show mercy or even humility to myself. It’s me and the limits I put on myself. I no longer feel alone or betrayed, scared or worried it’s just me and my bike.

This is where I feel good. Sure I’m confident at my work, humble now with a guitar in my hand. However,,, despite all the injuries and demons that I carry with me, my bike is where I feel good, it’s where no one can touch me, or break my heart. This part of my life,,,, I have control over. Now I ask you; “where do you feel good?”

Blood, sweat and gears.”

~A